Sometimes All You Need Is a Tooth to Pull

     Not only do I want this blog to be wrapped around comic book theology, but sometimes I have to take a step back and return to the roots of where I started. When I started writing freelance I did a lot of opinion pieces and even some poetry... ironically enough it was poetic. Today I want to talk about something that happened to me a few months back, and I really come at this with a humble heart because I don't really like to talk about my flaws. When you go into an interview, the biggest part of selling yourself is to talk about what you do well, so much so that sometimes we begin to see ourselves stretch the truth. In all honesty the one question I rehearse before any sort of interrogation is, "What is your worse quality," the brother of the famous, "What is your best quality," question. The answer is usually the same for both of these questions. They ask me what my best quality is, and I usually respond with some skill that relates to the job and then follow up with that I do that job so well, that it negatively impacts my personal life for the sake of the job. Commit, sacrifice, succeed. Those are the words most employers like to hear.

     Looking back on my life I really think that I had a god complex while growing up. It wasn't a lust for power, but rather it was a diving into falsehood to relieve myself of the worry's of the world. I imagined that because I never broke a bone, I must be like Wolverine with his adamantium skeleton. Because my Father died when I was young, I thought that upon my 18th birthday someone would come to me and tell me that my Father was some intergalactic savior and I had inherited his title, (I was really bummed when that didn't happen.) But, stupid silly stuff like that plagued me forever, and when reality hits someone like that, their whole world seems... well, less interesting. Sometimes we have to find something worth clinging onto that makes us feel more significant. Without going into it too much, I think religion plays a big part of this while picking up the pieces. Some people fall into falsified worlds in video games, perhaps even into books and stories where they begin to believe that is where their real life lies.

     So, a few months ago I had some dental work done, and it was long overdue. I had actually went in to see the dentist a year prior and he explained I would need a root canal. Now, I'm not a great looking guy (call me Mr. Modesty) but my teeth have always been something of a prideful part of my looks. I never needed braces, they were sharp and for about 10 years I managed to neglect needing dental care. When the tooth started to collapse in on itself, it was only then that I made that appointment to have it looked at. When I saw the dentist the first time, he said it needed to be done, and so for a year I waited and hoped the problem would resolve itself. But, of course this never happened so, when the time came a year later and the tooth had broken off at the root, I, again made my way to the dentists, except this time a new dentist was there.
    
     My new dentist was much more sympathetic than the first, but the prognosis remained the same regarding the tooth, except now it needed to be pulled or replaced. While sitting there contemplating what steps to take to fix the issue, I realized how my neglectful behavior had really caused things to get this bad. The tooth wasn't really visible to begin with and most people would never notice it missing, but I would always know that flaw was there. I could hear the inner child say to me, "You are supposed to be invincible, how did it come to this?" When my dentist returned to talk to me again, she asked me something I don't think I will ever forget. I recall it like it was an intervention. "Why didn't you have this taken care of a year ago?" she asked. At the time the only excuse I could make up on the spot was that it was too expensive and that the tooth wasn't worth $1000 to me. Of course, in the back of my mind, I was crying in the fetal position.

(How it felt to be sitting in that chair)

     A week went by and I gave myself some time to prepare to have the root pulled. It was humiliating to have someone know that you are incapable of taking care of yourself, and because of a silly way of thinking, no doubt. But still, the question she asked me stuck in my head about why I didn't have this done before. Was it because of a rebellious attitude or was it my god complex saying that there was no way the doctor knew what he was talking about? When the time came to have the procedure, I sat down in the chair and spoke with my dentist again. I told her about how I thought about her question for a while and I explained to her that I needed to have this tooth removed to prove to myself that I am not perfect. She seemed a little bit confused at first, but once I began to explain that with this tooth gone, it would always be a reminder that we are a flawed people and we won't be around on this Earth forever. Even though this was a permanent change in my body, it was not a permanent change on who I am. She seemed to acknowledge what I was saying and thanked me for the insight into why I had done this to myself, and it made me appreciate her as a Doctor just a little bit more. I feel like I should have been charged more since I had surgery and therapy all in one sitting.

     I felt like this story was something that was worth sharing with the world, if nothing else, being able to get it down on paper (webpage) was worth having for the future. I'm sorry if this article wasn't filled with creative insight, but I hope it tells you a little more about myself, and even how I have perceived the world. I guess I can thank the comic book world for making me a stronger kid, and believing I was meant for great things, but sometimes we have to let those things go and realize that reality wants us to be great of our own merit and not a falsified hope that belongs in the funny books. Until next time.